Can You Become Asexual? Identity Change, Causes and Common Myths
Can you become asexual? What research says about causes, realising it later, medical reasons for low desire, and why asexuality is not treated.
General education, not medical advice. If something here worries you, talk with a clinician.
Table of Contents
Can you become asexual? Not in the sense of catching it, or deciding on it one morning. Asexuality is a sexual orientation: little or no sexual attraction to other people. What does happen, often, is that people realise it later, sometimes in their thirties or beyond. And a smaller group describe their attraction shifting over the years.
So the honest answer has two parts. Your orientation is not something you pick up from a bad relationship or a stressful year. Your understanding of it can change a lot, and so can your sex drive, for reasons that have nothing to do with orientation. This guide covers what research says about causes and change, how to tell a medical drop in desire from an orientation, and why “treating” asexuality is rejected. If you are new to the term, start with what asexuality means.
Can sexual orientation shift over time? What the fluidity research shows
Yes, for some people attraction does shift over time, sometimes a lot within a few years, and usually without anyone choosing it. Researchers call this sexual fluidity. Psychologist Lisa Diamond has studied it in sexual minority women for decades. Psychology Today sums up the idea as a capacity for sexual response to change with situations and relationships.
What longitudinal studies found
The strongest evidence comes from following the same people for years. A Journal of Sex Research study tracked around 12,000 US students from ages 16-18 into their late twenties. Changes in attraction, partners and identity were common well past the teenage years. Women changed more than men, and people who identified as straight changed least.
Diamond’s own work goes further into detail. In a 2019 study of 76 women aged 19-37, her team found four separate kinds of fluidity that barely overlapped. Being fluid in one way did not predict being fluid in another.
The limits of that evidence
These studies looked at attraction to men, women, or both. Neither was designed to track asexuality, so they cannot show that asexuality “develops”. That Diamond study also included women only.
The asexual community’s own reading is careful. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) notes that most people’s sexuality fluctuates with age, health or life changes without their orientation changing. It also accepts that some people of every orientation do report clear shifts. Healthline adds that a past experience of attraction does not erase someone’s asexual identity now.
One more caution. Fluidity describes change that happens to people, and none of these studies show anyone steering it on purpose.
What causes asexuality? What research knows, guesses and gets wrong
Nobody knows what causes asexuality, in the same way nobody knows exactly what makes someone straight, gay or bisexual. Healthline makes the comparison directly: as with being gay or bisexual, there is no underlying problem behind asexuality to find. That can feel unsatisfying if you are asking “why am I asexual?” Still, an unknown origin changes nothing about its standing. Asexuality is an orientation, and orientations are not something to fix, whatever their roots turn out to be.
No single known cause
A few obvious guesses come up again and again. Hormones are one. The Trevor Project reports that studies and clinical observations find asexual people’s hormone levels in the average range. Trauma is another. AASECT’s 2022 position statement says asexuality is not a response to trauma. Community data fit that, though it is a self-selected survey rather than a test of causes. In the 2015 Asexual Census, most ace respondents had never experienced sexual violence.
Part of the problem is that the field is young. Alfred Kinsey noticed people with no sexual contacts or reactions back in the 1940s, and he estimated them at 1.5 percent of US men aged 16 to 55. That category tracked behaviour and response, though, not attraction, so it is not a true count of asexual people. Serious study only took off much later. One review counted 28 asexuality papers published between January 2020 and July 2022 alone. With a research base that new, even the basic question of how many people are asexual has no settled answer.
How the DSM-5 and health bodies classify it
The clearest shift came in 2013. That year the DSM-5, the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual, revised its low-desire diagnoses. Each now says a person who identifies as asexual should not receive the diagnosis. In plain terms, psychiatry no longer treats self-identified asexuality as a disorder.
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) went further in 2022. Its position statement says asexuality is neither a disorder nor a trauma response. One gap remains: the World Health Organization’s ICD has not added a similar note.
Known, speculated and myth side by side
| Claim | Where it stands | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Asexuality is a stable orientation for most people who identify with it | Known | Two decades of psychological studies support it |
| Self-identified asexuality is excluded from DSM-5 desire disorders | Known | Written into the 2013 criteria |
| Asexual people have abnormal hormone levels | Myth | Levels fall in the average range |
| Asexuality is caused by trauma | Myth | AASECT says it is not a trauma response |
| Antidepressants make people asexual | Unsupported | They can lower libido, but nothing shows they reduce attraction |
| Biology plays some part, as with other orientations | Speculated | No cause has been identified |
| Upbringing or culture “creates” asexuality | Speculated, and unsupported | No source shows a cause |
The speculated rows are honest gaps. Treat any article that names a definite cause with suspicion.
Realising you are asexual later is not the same as becoming asexual
Many people who say they became asexual really mean they finally found a word for it. ReachOut notes that some people know early, while for others it takes time and self-reflection. Finding the label in your thirties or forties does not mean your orientation changed then.
Why many people only find the word as adults
The vocabulary itself is new. Asexual people only began finding each other on internet forums and building shared terms in the early 2000s. Anyone who grew up before then, or outside those spaces, may never have heard asexuality described as an orientation.
Without the right framing, people reach for other explanations. They decide they are a late bloomer, or that they have not met the right person yet. Scientific American tells the story of Megan Carroll, who spent 12 years trying different doctors, therapists and antidepressants. She had heard the word before but felt it did not fit, and only came across the idea of an asexual spectrum in 2016. Her attraction had not changed in those years. Her understanding had.
Compulsory sexuality and the pressure to explain it away
Asexuality runs against a cultural assumption that everyone wants sex, which some scholars call compulsory sexuality. Scientific American notes that this assumption makes it hard for asexual people to recognise their identity, let alone accept it. Kinsey Institute researcher Jessica Hille compares saying you feel no sexual attraction to saying you don’t eat. People hear it as a sign that something is wrong.
That pressure shapes the timeline. Take a hypothetical person who marries at 25 because that is what people do. They assume the low interest is normal for a long relationship. Years later, after a divorce, they read a description of asexuality and recognise their whole adult life in it. Nothing about them became different that year. What changed was the permission to name it.
If that sounds familiar, the am I asexual guide walks through the questions people use to sort this out.
When lost interest in sex has a medical or life cause
A real drop in sexual interest often has an ordinary medical or life cause, and that is worth ruling out. It does not make asexuality a symptom. It just means two different things can look alike from the inside, and one of them may have a fix you would want.
Common reasons sex drive drops
The NHS lists the usual suspects:
- Mental health. Stress, anxiety and depression can all lower sex drive. Low libido is a recognised symptom of depression, which often comes on so gradually that people miss it.
- Medicines. Blood pressure drugs and antidepressants are common culprits. The NHS notes that sexual side effects of antidepressants can include low sex drive and trouble reaching orgasm.
- Hormonal contraception. The pill, patch and implant can all play a part.
- Hormone changes. Pregnancy, a new baby, and falling hormones with age are on the list. The NHS counts reduced sex drive among common menopause symptoms.
- Long-term illness. Heart disease, diabetes, an underactive thyroid and cancer can all affect desire.
- Alcohol. Drinking too much is another listed cause.
Trauma belongs here too. A counsellor who works with survivors of sexual trauma told Scientific American that trauma can reduce desire for sex. She also learned that asexuality can be entirely separate from that. Burnout is not on the NHS list by name, but stress is.
Orientation or change in drive: questions that help tell them apart
Two words do most of the work here. Libido is your sex drive, the body’s urge for sexual pleasure or release. Sexual attraction is wanting sexual contact with a particular person. Many asexual people have a libido, and many people with a low libido are not asexual. Scientific American adds that antidepressants can dampen libido, but there is no evidence they lower attraction to others.
| Question | Points toward a change in drive | Points toward an orientation |
|---|---|---|
| When did it start? | Recently, or after a clear trigger | As far back as you can remember |
| What changed? | You used to want sex and that urge faded | You never felt attraction the way peers described |
| Does it come with other changes? | Low mood, fatigue, pain, new medicine | Usually nothing else is different |
| How do you feel about it? | You miss it and want it back | Mostly fine, apart from outside pressure |
None of these questions is a test. Some asexual people also have depression, and the Trevor Project found asexual youth reported slightly higher rates of depression symptoms than other LGBTQ youth. If you want a fuller comparison, see asexual vs low libido.
When to see a doctor
Book an appointment, without assuming anything about your orientation, if:
- your interest in sex dropped noticeably over weeks or months
- you started a new medicine or contraception and suspect it is affecting you
- your sex drive has not come back after pregnancy
- you also have low mood, tiredness, weight changes or other new symptoms
- the change is causing you distress, which AVEN itself says is a reason to see a professional
Treatment depends on the cause, from switching a medicine to therapy for depression. If tests and changes make no difference and you feel fine, that tells you something too.
Why asexuality is not something to treat, and what affirming therapy helps with
There is no accepted “asexual treatment”, because there is nothing to treat. AVEN describes asexuality as neither a defect to fix nor something you can work to change. Therapy can still help asexual people with plenty of things. Changing their orientation is not one of them.
Why “curing” asexuality is rejected
Attempts to change someone’s orientation are known as conversion therapy, and asexual people meet them more than most. Scientific American reports that in a 2018 UK government survey, asexual respondents were the most likely group to be offered it. Across all respondents to that survey, 5 percent had been offered conversion therapy and a further 2 percent had gone through it. About a fifth of those who went through it, 19 percent, received it from healthcare professionals.
Professional bodies have responded. AASECT opposes any attempt to change or pathologise an asexual orientation and labels such attempts conversion therapy. In the US, Scientific American reported in late 2023 that conversion therapy was banned for minors in 22 states because of its documented harms. Those laws keep changing, so check the current rules where you live.
Subtler versions happen in ordinary clinics too. In one 2020 study, 30 to 50 percent of people who disclosed asexuality in a medical setting said a doctor or therapist blamed it on a health condition. Scientific American describes one woman whose therapist blamed childhood trauma, which led her to force herself into things she was uncomfortable with. Another person was put off seeking therapy for depression after a therapist hunted for a hidden “blockage”.
What an ace-affirming therapist can help with
An affirming therapist treats your orientation as a fact about you, not as the presenting problem. That leaves room for the things people often do want help with:
- accepting the identity after years of feeling broken
- negotiating sex, affection and expectations with a partner who is not asexual
- coming out to family or friends
- depression or anxiety, treated on their own terms without blaming the orientation
To check a therapist, ask directly how they understand asexuality before you book. A good answer separates attraction from libido and does not mention fixing anything. For a sense of what sex therapy covers, see what a sex therapist does.
Can you choose to be asexual? Celibacy, abstinence and orientation
No, you cannot choose to be asexual, any more than you can choose to be straight. What you can choose is whether to have sex. AVEN draws the line clearly: you can change how you act on your desires, but not what those desires are. So searches for “how to be asexual” usually mean one of two things. Either someone wants to stop having sex, or they want to stop feeling pressure about it.
Both are legitimate goals. Neither one changes your orientation, and you do not need an orientation label to say no to sex.
| What it describes | Chosen? | Can include sexual attraction? | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Asexuality | Little or no sexual attraction to others | No | Little or none, by definition |
| Celibacy | A longer-term decision not to have sex, often for religious, cultural or personal reasons | Yes | Yes |
| Abstinence | A decision not to have sex, usually for a period of time | Yes | Yes |
| Low libido | A reduced sex drive, often with a medical or life cause | No, but often treatable | Yes |
The rows overlap in real life. A celibate person can also be asexual. An asexual person might choose to have sex with a partner, to have children, or out of curiosity. Some asexual people have sex and enjoy parts of it; their behaviour does not cancel their orientation.
That is why “how to be asexual” has no real answer. If you want to step back from sex, you can, under any label or none. If you have never felt the pull others describe, you may already be asexual, and the overview of asexuality is a gentler place to start.
Quick answers to frequently asked questions about becoming asexual
Can you become asexual later in life?
Many people realise they are asexual as adults rather than becoming asexual. The shared vocabulary only took shape on internet forums in the early 2000s. A sudden drop in desire in midlife is different. That deserves a check for causes such as medicines or depression first. Menopause is another, since reduced sex drive is one of its listed symptoms. If nothing medical explains it and the description fits your whole history, the label may simply be catching up with you.
Is asexuality a trauma response?
No. AASECT’s position statement says asexuality is not a response to trauma. Trauma can lower someone’s desire for sex, and asexual people can also have trauma histories, like anyone else. In the 2015 Asexual Census, though, most respondents had never experienced sexual violence. If you are unsure which applies to you, a trauma-informed, ace-affirming therapist can help you sort it out.
What is the relationship between asexuality and depression?
They are separate things that can overlap. Depression often lowers sex drive. The NHS says treating the underlying cause should help a low sex drive recover. Asexuality is about attraction, and AVEN says it has no cause or cure to look for. Asexual youth in one large survey did report slightly higher rates of depression symptoms, so the two can coexist.
How many people are asexual?
There is no settled figure. The oldest estimate is a loose fit. In the 1940s Kinsey counted 1.5 percent of US men aged 16 to 55 as having no sexual contacts or reactions. That measured behaviour and response rather than attraction, so it is only a rough historical clue. In a 2020 Trevor Project survey of over 40,000 LGBTQ young people, 10 percent identified as asexual or ace spectrum. That second figure describes LGBTQ youth only, not the general population.
Can you become asexual after being sexually active?
Having had sex does not rule out being asexual. Some asexual people have sex with a partner for affection, to have children, or out of curiosity. Some people realise only after years of sex that they never felt the attraction their partners did. Your past behaviour does not decide your orientation; your experience of attraction does.
What to do next if you think you might be asexual
If the change in your interest is recent, start with your health. A GP visit to look at medicines, hormones and mood costs little and can rule out a fixable cause. If the lack of attraction goes back as far as you remember, you do not need a test result to explore the label.
From there, take it at your own pace. Read first-hand accounts, try the questions in am I asexual, and compare your experience with low libido. AVEN points to growing ace communities, online and in person, where people compare notes.
Nobody can make you asexual, and nobody should try to make you not asexual. You are allowed to change the word you use as you learn more about yourself. What matters is that the word helps you, rather than another box you feel pushed into.
Related reading
- Am I Asexual? Questions to Think Through Instead of a Quiz
- Asexual vs Low Libido: How Attraction and Desire Differ
- What Is Asexuality? Meaning, Spectrum, Myths and Research
- How Common Is Asexuality? What the Research and Estimates Show
Sources
- What is asexuality? - ReachOut Australia
- 4 Ways That Sexuality Can Be Fluid - Psychology Today
- Sexuality continues to change and develop well into adulthood, finds study - Taylor & Francis Newsroom (Journal of Sex Research)
- General FAQ - The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
- Asexual: What It Means, Facts, Myths, and More - Healthline
- Understanding Asexuality: FAQs & Supportive Resources - The Trevor Project
- Asexuality Is Finally Breaking Free from Medical Stigma - Scientific American
- Low sex drive (loss of libido) - NHS
- Symptoms - Depression in adults - NHS
- Antidepressants - Side effects - NHS
- Menopause - Symptoms - NHS
- Asexual and Ace Spectrum Youth - The Trevor Project
- National LGBT Survey: Summary report - UK Government Equalities Office