Sex-Repulsed, Sex-Averse, Sex-Indifferent and Sex-Favorable: What Each Term Means
What sex-repulsed, sex-averse, sex-indifferent and sex-favorable mean, how common each is among aces, and why none of them decides whether you are sex-positive.
General education, not medical advice. If something here worries you, talk with a clinician.
Table of Contents
Sex-repulsed, sex-averse, sex-indifferent and sex-favorable are four words for how a person feels about having sex themselves. Put in order, they run from disgust at the idea, through not wanting it, to feeling neutral, to enjoying it in some situations. The words grew up in asexual (ace) communities. Still, they describe an attitude, and an orientation label alone does not tell you which one fits.
This is why they get confused with sex-positivity so often. Sex-positivity is a view about other people’s consensual choices, so an ace person can be sex-repulsed and sex-positive at the same time.
Below, each term gets a plain meaning and a note on what it does not mean. After that come the survey numbers, how the answer can depend on context or change, and how to use the words with a partner.
The four attitudes, from repulsed to favorable
Think of the four attitudes as points on a line about one question: how do you feel about the idea of you having sex? The table runs from the strongest “no” to a conditional “yes.”
| Attitude | What it means | In everyday terms | What it does not mean |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sex-repulsed | Disgust or strong discomfort at the idea of oneself having sex. For some people it also covers sexual talk, scenes in media or innuendo | Feels queasy at the thought, and skips that scene in a film | It does not mean the person judges other people’s sex lives |
| Sex-averse | Does not want to have sex and may hold a firm line against it, usually with less disgust than repulsion | Does not want sex in the relationship, but a love scene on TV is fine | It does not mean the person avoids romance or affection, which have their own separate labels |
| Sex-indifferent | Neither drawn to sex nor against it. May take part without seeking it out | Can be fine with sex if a partner wants it, a bit like doing the laundry together | It does not mean a standing yes, since a yes once is not a yes every time |
| Sex-favorable | Enjoys or is interested in sex in at least some situations, sometimes only very specific ones | Likes it with the right person and setting, even without sexual attraction | It does not mean the person feels sexual attraction, so it does not cancel an asexual identity |
Where repulsed ends and averse begins
Ace Week calls the two words near synonyms, with a real difference in reach. Sex-averse usually refers only to not wanting sex itself. Sex-repulsed is often used for other experiences too, such as talking about sex or seeing it on screen. It can also signal a stronger level of disgust.
Even the people who collect the data have struggled with this line. The 2021 Ace Community Survey report first said repulsed people are usually uncomfortable with sex as a concept, while averse people usually are not. The survey team later corrected that. Their revised wording says either group may or may not be bothered by sex in general. So if someone tells you they are sex-averse, the label tells you about their own participation, and nothing certain about whether a dirty joke will upset them.
Neutral, ambivalent and flux: the labels in between
Some people say sex-neutral where others say sex-indifferent. Ace Week notes that sex-neutral began as a different idea: a stance that sex is not inherently good or bad. It was a response to messages that frame sex as always good. That political meaning never caught on widely, and the word drifted toward meaning indifferent.
The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) adds two more options. Sex-ambivalent describes mixed feelings, sometimes a constant mix of feelings. Flux labels describe feelings that move from day to day. One example is ARC-flux, short for averse, repulsed or conflicted. TAAAP also points out that people apply these words to single acts, such as kissing, as well as to sex as a whole.
Your own attitude versus sex-positivity: two separate questions
Yes, a person can be sex-repulsed and sex-positive at once. The four attitude words answer one question: do I want sex for myself? Sex-positivity answers another: should other adults be free to make their own consensual choices? TAAAP states it plainly: any level of favorability can sit with either a sex-positive or a sex-negative stance.
What sex-positivity actually claims
The Sexual Medicine Society of North America (SMSNA) describes sex-positivity as respect for other people’s sexual preferences and consensual practices. It also means treating sex as a normal part of life rather than a taboo. A core idea is that nobody should be shamed for their consensual choices about sex. That includes prude-shaming, the mockery aimed at people who have little or no sex.
Consent sits inside the idea too. Everyone has the right to decide when they do not want sex, and sex-positivity does not oblige anyone to have it. Its opposite, sex-negativity, is the belief that sex, or certain kinds of consensual sex, are inherently bad. A person who never wants sex, and who has no problem with anyone else’s sex life, sits on the sex-positive side of that line.
What the census found when it asked both questions
The 2014 AVEN Community Census asked 10,869 ace respondents both questions. On their own attitude, 48.0% chose repulsed, 43.5% indifferent and 8.5% favorable. On the social question, 44.3% called themselves sex-positive, 10.6% sex-negative and 45.1% neither, both or unsure.
Do the subtraction and the overlap appears. If 48.0% were repulsed but only 10.6% were sex-negative, at least 37.4% of the sample were repulsed without calling themselves sex-negative.
The two answers were still linked. Being repulsed was the strongest predictor of the label a person chose, stronger than whether they were asexual, gray-asexual or demisexual. The analysts offered one reason. The survey left both terms undefined, and some people use sex-negative to mean their own repulsion rather than a political view. In other words, part of that link may be the same word confusion this article is trying to clear up.
Why a repulsed ace can still be sex-positive
Supporting someone else’s consensual choices asks nothing of your own body. AVEN notes that many asexual people hold very positive views of sexuality in general, and that the ace community has no standard attitude toward sex.
In a first-person essay for Healthline, asexual writer Ebony Purks argues that people with an aversion to sex can still belong in the sex-positive movement. The sex therapist she quotes, Laura Vowels, frames the movement as personal choice about sex with little judgment.
Suppose, as a hypothetical, someone changes the channel during sex scenes and never wants sex. They also back comprehensive sex education and would defend a friend’s dating life against gossip. That person is sex-repulsed and sex-positive. The reverse also exists: a person can enjoy sex and still believe certain consensual choices are shameful.
How common each attitude is in ace communities
In the three ace community surveys summarised here, sex-favorable is a small minority answer among ace respondents, far behind repulsed. It lands at 8.5% in 2014, about 8% in 2016 and 10.1% of all ace respondents in 2021, with the 2021 subgroups shown separately in the table. Repulsion and aversion are far more common, though the exact split depends on how each survey asked.
| Survey and group | Answer format | Repulsed | Averse | Indifferent | Favorable |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2014 AVEN Community Census, 10,869 aces | Pick one of three | 48.0% | Not offered | 43.5% | 8.5% |
| 2016 Ace Community Survey, aces, as summarised by Ace Week | Not described in summary | About 37% | Not given in summary | About 27% | About 8% |
| 2021 Ace Community Survey, asexual respondents | Tick all that apply | 41.2% | 40.3% | Not given in summary | 8.0% |
| 2021 Ace Community Survey, demisexual respondents | Tick all that apply | 11.8% | 20.8% | Not given in summary | 24.2% |
Three surveys, three answer formats
The 2014 census offered only three choices: repulsed, indifferent or favorable. Anyone who would now call themselves averse had to squeeze into one of those boxes. The 2021 survey let respondents tick several answers, including “it depends,” so its percentages can add up to more than 100%. The 2016 figures here come from Ace Week’s summary of that year’s report.
For the same reason, the drop from 48.0% repulsed in 2014 to 41.2% among asexual respondents in 2021 is not evidence of a trend. The question, the answer options and the groups being counted all changed.
Asexual, graysexual and demisexual answers differ
The 2021 report splits its answers by orientation, and the gaps are wide. Asexual respondents chose repulsed 41.2% of the time and averse 40.3%. Demisexual respondents chose those answers far less, at 11.8% and 20.8%.
Favorable climbs as you move along the ace spectrum. It was ticked by 8.0% of asexual, 20.1% of graysexual and 24.2% of demisexual respondents. Among the small group of non-ace respondents, 69.7% ticked favorable, their most common answer. Lumping all aces into one number hides these differences.
What the numbers cannot tell you
These surveys reach people who are already in online ace spaces. The 2021 survey was a convenience sample recruited through ace websites and social media, and its respondents skewed younger. It describes ace community members, and possibly not asexual people who never join those spaces.
The report itself calls the attitude definitions “not precise”. The non-ace respondents also cannot stand in for the general population, a caveat the survey team spells out. Treat the figures as a sketch of ace communities, then, rather than a census of every asexual person.
When the honest answer is ‘it depends’
It can, and for many ace people “it depends” is the most accurate label of all. In the 2021 Ace Community Survey, 38.3% of ace respondents said the idea of having sex strongly depended on the person or circumstance. No other answer was picked more often by aces.
Person, act and circumstance
How much “it depends” applies varies a lot by orientation. It was chosen by 78.8% of demisexual, 64.1% of graysexual and 32.6% of asexual respondents. That fits what the labels describe: demisexual people feel attraction only after a close bond, so the person matters a great deal.
The specific act matters too. Among ace respondents who were not aromantic, 32.0% said their feelings depended on the act, against 21.3% of aromantic aces. Because people apply these words to single acts, such as kissing, one person can be favorable toward one act and averse to another.
The setting can also flip the answer. Ace Week gives the example of someone who feels sex-repulsed when sex comes up in conversation but not when reading a love scene in a novel. TAAAP describes aegosexual people, who may enjoy imagining sex between others but feel repulsed when picturing themselves involved.
Here is a hypothetical. Someone enjoys cuddling and kissing, feels neutral about some kinds of intimate touch, and does not want intercourse. Calling that person sex-averse is not wrong, but it hides most of what a partner needs to know. A short list by act says more than any one word.
Feelings that shift over the years
Change over time is common as well. In 2021, 28.4% of ace respondents said their feelings about having sex change over time. The share was higher among graysexual (48.5%) and demisexual (42.1%) respondents, and 26.0% among asexual respondents.
Non-ace respondents reported change at a similar rate, 29.9%. Within this survey, then, shifting feelings were not unique to aces. That group was small, though, and the survey team warns that non-ace respondents to an ace survey do not represent people in general.
One limit matters here. The survey asked people once and relied on their memory of how their feelings had moved. It is a single snapshot of self-report, not a study that followed the same people over the years. For day-to-day swings, flux labels exist precisely because some people’s position moves too often for one word to hold. A label describes where you are now. It is not a contract.
Allosexual people use these words too
They can. People who feel sexual attraction (allosexual people) can also be sex-repulsed, sex-averse or sex-indifferent. AVEN says plainly that sex-repulsion is found in sexual people as well as asexual people. TAAAP adds that the words can be used by anyone, ace or not.
Attitude is not orientation
Orientation describes attraction. Attitude describes how you feel about acting on it, or about sex in general, and the two can split. The 2014 census found that non-ace respondents leaned favorable while aces leaned repulsed and indifferent. Leaning is not the same as all, though. In 2021, 69.7% of non-ace respondents ticked favorable, which means roughly 3 in 10 did not.
Those non-ace numbers come with a large warning. Only 278 non-ace people answered the 2021 survey. The survey team stresses that non-ace respondents to an ace survey do not represent the general population. Still, the direction is clear enough: an allosexual person who does not want sex is not misusing the words.
When aversion is distress rather than identity
There is a clinical term that sounds similar, and it means something different. Sexual aversion disorder was a diagnosis in the older DSM-IV-TR manual. A psychiatry textbook describes it as aversion to and avoidance of genital sexual contact with a partner. Sexual Health Australia, a counselling service, adds that the avoidance is fearful and causes the person distress. A 2013 review of the proposed DSM-5 criteria recommended deleting it as rarely diagnosed. The DSM-5 that came out that year no longer lists it as a separate diagnosis.
The useful line is distress. AVEN’s FAQ suggests that if a lack of sex does not upset someone or harm their well-being, they may simply be asexual. A label like sex-averse describes a preference a person is at peace with. Fear, panic or anguish around sex is different, especially if it is new or followed a frightening experience. In that case, a sex therapist or counsellor can help, alone or as a couple. Seeking help does not mean the person must end up wanting sex. It means they get to decide without fear making the choice for them.
Using the terms in a conversation with a partner
Use the label as an opening line, then get specific. The words are shorthand with fuzzy edges, so the conversation that follows matters more than the word you pick.
Say what the word means for you
Even the survey team that collects these answers had to correct its own definitions. Your partner may have read a different definition from yours. So add one sentence: “For me, sex-averse means…” and finish it in your own terms.
A hypothetical example shows how much that sentence adds. Someone tells a new partner, “I’m sex-indifferent. For me, that means I’m sometimes open to sex as a way to feel close to you, but I won’t start it. Some things are off the table, and I’ll tell you which.” Their partner now knows who will usually start, that a yes is possible, and that limits exist. The word “indifferent” alone carried none of that.
From a label to boundaries and consent
Planned Parenthood describes consent as setting your own boundaries and respecting your partner’s. Its FRIES model says consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific. Each part maps onto these labels.
- Reversible: Being sex-favorable is not a standing yes. Anyone can change their mind at any time, even about something they have done before.
- Specific: A yes to kissing is not a yes to anything else. That suits people whose attitude depends on the act.
- Freely given and enthusiastic: Planned Parenthood frames this as doing what you want to do, not what you feel expected to do.
That last point needs care for indifferent people. They may agree to sex for their own reasons, such as closeness, without feeling desire. The test is whether the choice is truly theirs or comes from pressure. Sex-positivity backs this up, since it holds that nobody is obliged to have sex.
Questions a partner can ask
A partner who hears one of these labels can turn it into a useful conversation with a few open questions:
- Which kinds of closeness feel good, which feel neutral, and which are off the table?
- Does it depend on anything, such as mood, setting or the specific act?
- Has it changed before, and how would you like to tell me if it changes?
- What would make it easier for you to say no in the moment?
Both people’s needs count. When one partner wants much more sex than the other, the gap is real and deserves honest talk, not guilt on either side. A counsellor who understands asexuality can help a couple find an arrangement that works for both.
Frequently asked questions
What is a sex-repulsed asexual?
A sex-repulsed asexual is an asexual person who feels disgust or strong discomfort at the idea of having sex themselves. For some, that reaction extends to sexual talk or scenes on screen. Ace Week, citing the 2016 Ace Community Survey, puts the share of aces who are repulsed at around 37%. Being repulsed says nothing about someone’s views on other people’s sex lives.
What are the three types of asexuality?
There is no official list of three types. People searching this phrase usually mean one of two sets. The first is the three attitude options used in the 2014 census: repulsed, indifferent and favorable. The second is the three common orientation labels on the ace spectrum: asexual, gray-asexual and demisexual. Sex-averse is now often added as a fourth attitude.
Is sex-indifferent the same as sex-neutral?
Usually, yes. Many people use the two words as synonyms, and TAAAP lists them together. Sex-neutral has a second meaning, though. It can also name a social stance that sex is not inherently good or bad. If someone calls themselves sex-neutral, ask which meaning they intend.
Does being sex-favorable mean someone is not really asexual?
No. Asexuality means not experiencing sexual attraction, and AVEN describes sex-favorable people as willing to have sex with a partner in some conditions. Attraction and willingness are separate. In the 2021 survey, 8.0% of asexual and 24.2% of demisexual respondents ticked favorable.
What is sexual aversion disorder?
Sexual aversion disorder was a DSM-IV-TR diagnosis for aversion to and avoidance of genital sexual contact with a partner, usually fearful and distressing for the person. It was rarely diagnosed, a 2013 review of DSM-5 proposals recommended removing it, and DSM-5 no longer lists it as a separate diagnosis. The key difference from an identity label is distress. If fear rather than preference drives the avoidance, a sex therapist can help.
Words that describe where you are now
Sex-repulsed, sex-averse, sex-indifferent and sex-favorable answer one personal question: how do you feel about having sex yourself? They sit on a spectrum, but the edges blur, and the definitions shift even among the people who survey them.
Keep that personal question apart from the social one. A sex-repulsed ace can be fully sex-positive, and a sex-favorable person can hold sex-negative views. In the 2021 Ace Community Survey, favorable was the least common attitude among aces, and “it depends” was the answer they chose most.
Treat whichever word fits as a description of today, not a promise for life. If it changes, or if it only fits some acts or some people, say so. Then use it the way it works best: as the first sentence of a conversation about boundaries and consent, followed by the specifics only you can give.
Related reading
- Can Asexual People Enjoy Sex, Masturbate, or Feel Arousal?
- What Is a Sex-Positive Relationship?
- Asexual Relationships: Love, Dating and Talking About What You Want
- What Is Asexuality? Meaning, Spectrum, Myths and Research
Sources
- Attitudes Towards Sex - Ace Week (Asexual Awareness Week)
- General FAQ - The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
- Attitudes Toward Romance or Sex - The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP)
- 2021 Ace Community Survey Summary Report Errata - The Ace Community Survey Team
- What Is Sexual Consent? - Planned Parenthood
- The Sex-Positivity Movement: What it Means to Be Sex-Positive - Sexual Medicine Society of North America (SMSNA)
- Sexuality and Sexual politics - The Ace Community Survey Team
- Being Asexual and Being Sex-Positive Aren’t Mutually Exclusive - Healthline
- 2021 Ace Community Survey Summary Report (with errata) - The Ace Community Survey Team
- Sexuality of non-ace respondents - The Ace Community Survey Team
- Sexual Dysfunctions, Paraphilias, and Gender Identity Disorders - Neupsy Key (reproduced clinical psychiatry textbook chapter)
- Sexual Aversion Disorder (SAD) - Sexual Health Australia
- Critiques and Challenges to Old and Recently Proposed American Psychiatric Association’s Website DSM 5 Diagnostic Criteria for Sexual Dysfunctions - Bulletin of Clinical Psychopharmacology (Sungur MZ, Gunduz A)